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Well-my last 11 days off were not tooo bad. Could have been better, I guess. Of course everything went wrong with my party, I could not get the cabin, and my shack is way to freaking small. But I survived,now I gotta get back to work today. Christ it is gonna suck, I really don't want to go back. And on top of it all, the fucking bucs lost-again. Obviously our season is doomed. Well at least I have three days off comming up.

It has been great so far! The bucs beat the eagles! That bad m f er can kick! The fans do not like me too much now after that game! I do not care, I still got a week to go on my vacation. Gotta lot to do tommorrow. Last night I went to shocktoberfest, It was really cool. My buddies girlfriend almost broke my hand, I guess she scares easily, but it was still really neat, expensive though. Just pardon me if I am not on as much as before, I have alot to do and of course I am on vacation, so that means imbibing in liquor. It may rain this weekend, but it is all good, the cabin will be rocking!

Yes! I am off for 11-count them-11 days! I don't think I know what to do withmyself. (Well, I do, it includes alot of drinking beverages.) I cannot wait for my annual all hallows eve party. I am still thinking about what to do. I never had it at a secluded cabin before. I am thinking cabin fever? It is tough to plan stuff like this, but I gotta do it. Not bad, I have five days to plan it. Got a conference to go to this weekend, the management ain't paying for it though, it's comming outta my pocket-I don't care. I got a new boss at work, and yes-knowing my luck, she is a female. It's ok we worked together before. It SHOULD be all good, but knowing my luck, she has changed. And NO I did not have realations with her. Everybody else at work thinks I did! What the fuck is up with that? I am not a male whore. Ok, I am single, but that does not make me a piece of meat. Eehheehhe, save the jokes, I am NOT that easy. I do have some morals.

The freaking bucs won! I don't know whether to shit or go blind. Muhhhahha! I love it! Ok, it is just one game, but the shitty eagles are next. Please, Please god if you here me, let us win just this one match. I do not care if we lose the rest of the whole season, just give me this. No dissrespect to wicca, but I got my own little circle going on. I am ready to sacrifice something to make this happen, I do not care-I fucking need this. If we lose big, I have ideas what to do with myself, please do not let this happen. I am betting the full boat on this. I don't pray much, but I really freaking need this. For the love of all that is evil!

Ok, sometimes I am impatient. I must have double clicked. Sorry about that. Sometimes when I am on, it is really slow. Tonight was not too bad, kinda dead (no pun intented) at the bar. I was tired anyway, did not have much to do. I am just happy to have two days off, getting ready to launch my halloween party, I cannot wait! I might get alot of people, maybe a few, I dont care, just wanna have some fun. I will be off for 11 days so it is all good. Got alot of work to do for the party,knowing me I will fuck something up. Ahhh it will still be great, I wish all of you could join me and my friends. Now THAT would be great!

It has been quite a week. I had some setbacks, but I am still around. I have met new friends and things are going well. As for the other posts, I think I will do alright. Don't worry fans, I aint going no where. One more day to go and it is the weekend! Just gotta stay awake, I will do my best. I should not be drinking with the meds I take, but here I am typing so I am safe. Talk to you all later! Stay sucker free!

Yes, folks. I made it this far, I am not done yet! Never thought I'd be happy of a title like this though!

Ok, I know I am not the best thing since sliced bread. But it seems like I have an affliction. I try to be nice, but everbody thinks I am still evil-I guess. It is kinda depressining. Maybe just another shitty night I do not know. I forgot to mention that the other night something shitty hapenend to me. Someone left a dirty needle out, and it stuck me. For the first time in my life, I am scared shitless. I don't have a family persay, but, I can't do anything now that I think I am "dirty". Someone else fucked up and now I got shit to deal with. Yes, I know, it was not my fault, but I am still fucked. I swear, what the fuck did I do to deserve this? I feel like I am sinkinking into shit like a swamp. I really think that I am ok, but I gotta take medications everyday till all the blood tests come back. This lasts over half a year! I am strong enough, I know I will fight it. That is my job. Fight the fuckers, I will always win, just another test. I will prevail. Just when I thought it could not get worse.

Yep, you guessed it, the freaking bucs lost-again. I was leaving my cave and they were winning, so I slapped on the jersey and off I went. By the time I got to the bar, they let one of the bastards score a TD on a punt return. My god, can anything go right for once? And - of course- those damn eagles won. I could not drink last night, I had to requalify in firearms today. It was brutal, half awake, the scorching sun, it seemed like today would never end. I did alright though, we had new handguns to use after replacing the old battered ones. I did not even get time to get used to them. So now I must nap, the sun is setting, but I wanna go out tonight for a bit-don't want to be toooo tired.

Again, I sneaked a three day weekend. I am happy for that. If I can get out of it in one piece, thats a good thing. I have alot on my mind lately. I am sort of upset, maybe drinking a little too much, but hey-what the fuck, I am used to it. Keep dumping shit on me, usuallly I end up smelling half decent. Sort of like what tattooed on my arm, I will never give up, no matter what. I will keep trying. Tonight is Friday, gotta work but then I get to have some fun at least. My bitch for the week: How do people treat others like shit and keep breathing? Good question- I live by the saying: what comes around, goes around. I can only hope. Sometimes one makes a sacrifice for all. It is a shitty ending but it works for me. Take care Y'all.

Thanks for having me. I am no longer a member. If anybody wants to still visit, please do so, I appreciate it. I won't go into particulars. I will miss you all. Take care. No matter what, I still thank Rose.

Ok, now I am groping for stuff. My bud was not out tonight, so I had to take it upon myself to get fucked up without him. Tonight would have been good on the mountain, not quite the full moon, but close enough for me! I know, I live in the armpit of the east coast, but what the hell? No one out, no matter halloween is comming upon us shortly. I cannot wait, I am salavatating. I will be great. Does anyone else like absinthe? I love it, not so much the taste just the knowledge. I do not believe in drugs, but hey, it is just absinthe.

Just wanted to say hello to everyone in the coven. I am doing the best I can, but, I am slow. I really do not like the eagles. But the fuckers won. Damn those packers. Even my friend Jeff lost money cause of there shitty perfomance!

Phew! Glad I did not bet on tonights game. The seahawks got beaten down by chicago. No one was out tonight, even I called it an early night. I even ate real food tonight! Maybe thats why I am still sober, I tried my best, but still sober. I gotta work all frigging week, but then I get three off. That's not TOO bad, got alot of days off coming up-I really have nothing to complain about. One dude was iritating at the bar, he kept on talking to me and everyone. For cripes sake-shut the fuck up, the ball games on! You don't know me-so just shut up. Ehh, I guess he was more bored than I.

I wanted to just use this entry to thank BloodyVampireRose for helping me with my pro. If you check it out you will see it is far much better than it was. She helped me get into the coven, and I am so very gratefull. It is nice to know in a shitty world there is still some great people out there like her and the others. Now I must go watch football, and pray I do not lose all my money. Again thanks Rose.

I just wanted to say hello to everybody. Just an update. I am very happy to be here, but you all know by now, life sucks. Mine more than others. Did you all every really want someone who is out of your reach? You try and try, and no matter what, it fails. Hey, I agree, I am not someone special- I am just me. I keep trying, but after a while we all get tired. It does not matter, Iwill always be here.